Racing Dirty Read online

  “What are you doing here?” I ask breathlessly. I clear my throat and take a difficult gasp, trying to steady my nerves.

  “I’m picking you up and taking you to your dad.” Xavier’s rich voice rumbles in my ears.

  Oh, how I’ve missed his tone. Composing myself, I stare right into his eyes, his thick lashes are making them more noticeable.

  “Where is Mia? Have you heard anything about Austin? What happened?” I rapid fire questions at him, not giving him a chance to respond. I do that when I’m nervous.

  “Whoa, whoa, slow down, B. I’ll explain everything I can in the car,” his deep voice replies, gently.

  I close my eyes and take a deep breath. He called me B. I never learned why he calls me that and he won't tell me. Maybe he has changed, his voice is full of love and regret. I shake my head at my rebellious thoughts, straighten my spine and deliver him my best glare.

  “Don’t call me B. You lost that privilege a long time ago."

  Xavier nods his head, sadness in his blue eyes, “I know I did. I can’t help it. To me you will always be my B. C’mon let’s go see your dad."

  He picks up my bag and hitches it up over his shoulder, his tribal tattoos are clearer now, defining his powerful arms and starts to walk away, his racing boots making a clicking noise on the polished floor. Still suspended in place, I snap out of my trance and walk fast to catch up to him.

  As I pass a set of chairs, a little boy with deep green eyes and jet-black hair catches my attention. I slow down and wonder if we had stayed together if we would have kids already? Would we have a little boy with heart stopping features like his dad or would we have a beautiful little girl with my features?

  Shaking my head at my thoughts, I spot Xavier waiting for me at the entrance doors, the cool air coming from the doors ruffling his black hair that’s sticking out under his ball cap, making it messier than it already is. I clear my throat and walk past him, inhaling his scent that hasn’t changed over the years. The smell of leather and performance fuel invade my nose, making me weak in the knees.

  Xavier settles his massive hand on the small of my back, sending shivers down my spine. I scold myself for letting him affect me. My head tries to remind my heart I’m not here for Xavier, but it doesn’t want to listen.

  The warm night air that sweeps across my skin, brings back moments of the times we’d slip out in the middle of the night as kids. Xavier leads me to a sleek deep green Dodge Charger SXT and he unlocks the doors with his key fob.

  He opens my door before I can and gestures for me to get in. My heart skips a beat from the heat radiating off his body. I’m lost in his blue eyes as I slide into the leather bucket seat. He shuts the door for me, after I get in and opens the back door. He sets my bag down, closes the door, and strides around the front of the car.

  I can smell him everywhere in his car and I close my eyes. Trying but failing at fighting off the attraction I have for him again. I need to remember the heartbreak and pain he caused me all those years ago.

  As Xavier opens the driver’s side door and slides gracefully into his seat, I can’t help but watch him as he takes a long finger and pushes the button to start his car. The engine fires to life and I can feel the V8, 370 horsepower rumbles under my feet. A deep ache forms low in my stomach and I squirm in my seat, trying to relieve the pressure.

  “Ready?” His deep voice, laced with desire.

  “Yeah.” That’s all I squeak out.

  “Hard and fast or slow and steady?” I don’t miss the double innuendo in that question. He wants to play a game, I’ll play back.

  “You know how I like it X, hard and fast,” I respond breathlessly, taking in his sexy profile.

  Xavier’s eyes grow wide at my comment. He swallows hard, shifts the car in reverse and backs out of the parking spot, without saying another word. He turns down a long stretch of the airport terminal, plunging us into darkness, the car purring under his control. He takes a right out of the airport and guns the gas pedal, causing a squeal to leave my lips as we drift around the corner.

  “Hold on tight B. You wanted hard and fast, I’m giving you hard and fast,” Xavier’s deep voice rumbles as he shifts the sleek car from second to third.

  When the RPM’s reach eight, he smoothly shifts into fourth. When the car whines under protest, Xavier shifts again into fifth and we shoot off like a rocket down the paved road.

  A stop sign is approaching fast and Xavier doesn’t slow down, he guns the gas harder and the RMP’s climb even higher. He blows the stop sign, shifting gears. Adrenaline runs through my body at the thrill of the speed and breaking the law.

  God, I missed this, the freedom of the open roads, the break neck speed as we go as fast as the machine we’re in control of will go. We approach another stop sign and Xavier taps his brakes to slow down a little. He pulls the emergency brake and turns the wheel hard to the left, his muscles straining under the steering wheel. He taps the gas as we drift around the corner and he pulls out of it in perfect precision. He guns the pedal again and we shoot off into the night, racing down the dark road trying to outrun our past and hoping like hell we can make it in the future.

  I’ve come to realize, as we fly down the quiet road towards Austin and the hospital, that I’ve never got over Xavier and never will. I’ve missed my best friend, my only love and I realize in this moment, that life is short. When I saw him at the airport with his messy black hair and piercing blue eyes, my heart and soul felt whole again. I need him, like I need the air I breath and I hope like hell if I fall again, if I hand him my heart, he will catch me this time.

  Chapter 7

  Izzy

  We reach the hospital in record time, as Xavier pulls into a parking spot. He shuts his car off, the quiet ticking of the engine is the only sound. He turns his body toward me, sadness enveloping his blue eyes.

  “B, I know I screwed up in the past. I know I hurt you so bad, that you felt like you had to leave. I didn’t mean to. I swear I never wanted to break your heart or your trust.” The tremble in his voice breaks my heart. “I was drunk and scared, and I know that is no excuse. I’ve punished myself over and over these last five years for losing you to a stupid decision I made. I don’t want to lose you again B, please give me another chance." Xavier’s blue eyes bore into mine and there’s a tear forming in the corner. I reach up and wipe it away with shaking hands. He closes his eyes and breaths deeply when I touch his skin and another tear falls. I wipe that one away too.

  “X, I don’t know if I can do this right now. When I caught you with that girl at the track the night after we made love, it crushed me. It crushed my soul and my heart.” I need to stop and swallow the lump in my throat. “You held my heart in your hands since I was a little girl. When I finally gave it to you fully, you crushed it. Your actions made me question myself. Why I wasn’t good enough for you? Why wasn’t I attractive enough for you? It was a hit to my self-esteem and I really thought I wasn’t good enough. That someone else could give you pleasure like you needed since I was inexperienced, and you were my first. So, I left, I gave you what you wanted. It hurt like hell, but I did it for you.” I wipe away my own tears.

  I’ve never told anyone how I truly felt. There’s a weight lifted off my chest. Making him understand what I’ve went through, to tell him my fears. I close my eyes and exhale a deep sigh. I don’t want to lose him, but I don’t want to forgive him right away either, I want him to earn my trust again. I open my eyes and study his profile. His muscles are tense, his black hair is messy, he looks so sad.

  “I just want to get through tonight, or what’s left of it and go from there. You have to earn my trust back,” I whisper in the darkness.

  Xavier opens his eyes; his mouth opens ready to protest what I said. I take my hand and cover his mouth before he can say anything.

  “Not tonight X, you’ve always had my heart and my love, but not tonight. I need to see my dad."

  Before I pull my hand away, he gently brus
hes his lips against my palm. His hot breath sends tingles down my arm and between my legs, awaking things I thought I buried a long time ago. Xavier inhales a sharp breath and nods his head, determination written all over his handsome face.

  “Ok B. I’ll give you tonight but after that be ready. I’m not letting you go again and I will earn your trust back. I won’t make the same mistake twice, I’m ready and I hope like hell you are too.” He kisses my hand one last time and gets out of the car.

  Still stunned at his words, he opens my door and holds out his hand to help me out. I take it and sparks fly up my arm, into my heart and through my body. How can something so difficult, feel so right? He shuts the door and locks them with his key fob. He doesn’t let go of my hand as we make our way up to the entrance of the hospital.

  We walk into the hospital waiting room together, the smell of bleach and pine sol invade my nose, forcing memories of my mom being here. The clean floors, rigid plastic chairs, fluorescent lighting, and nurses station is still the same as I remember them.

  I spot Mia curled up into a ball in one of the hard-plastic chairs. Her head is resting on her arm, her eyes are closed and her eccentric multi colored short hair is sticking up all over the place.

  Ana and James, Xavier’s, mom and dad, are in the corner of the waiting room. They’re holding onto each other, whispering back and forth.

  The worry lines on Ana’s face are deep as they wait for any kind of information on Austin. Xavier and I step further into the waiting room and Ana is the first to spot us. James let’s go of her and she moves over to us.

  She has her jet-black hair pulled up into a ponytail and her blue eyes are red from crying. She draws me into a warm hug, shocking me. I struggle not to break down, but a tear escapes my eyes from the motherly embrace. Ana pulls back, searching my eyes, for what? I have no idea.

  “We haven’t heard anything yet, hon. Maybe you should let the nurses know you’re here.” She caresses my arms thoughtfully.

  Questions invade my mind at her kind gesture. She should be furious at me for leaving. She should be pissed for hurting her son. Why isn’t she?

  James approaches us and gestures his head to Xavier to follow him. Xavier tugs my hand and draws me away from his mom.

  “I’m going to talk to my dad really quick. If you hear anything, come and get me."

  He tugs me against him and my heart skips a beat as his soft, sensual lips brush my forehead gently, his hot breath sends a shiver down my spine.

  “I’m still here B, I’m not going anywhere again.” he whispers in my ear. The world fades away as his scent and warmth wraps around me, giving me strength.

  It strengthens me knowing Xavier and his family are here for me and a missing piece of me is found again. I don’t feel alone anymore, something I felt living in California. I was surrounded by my friends, but I still felt something was missing. I nod my head and stare into his blue eyes, his dark lashes hooding them, watching my reaction to his affection.

  I want to kiss him so desperately. I can feel the craving on my skin as I lick my lips. I know I told myself I wouldn’t get back together with him but staring into his blue eyes, being this close to him, I honestly don’t want to fight with myself anymore. I don’t have the strength. His eyes darkened with lust as he watches me lick my lips and his throat bobs as he swallows hard.

  “OK. I’m going to let the nurses know I’m here,” I tell him, my voice husky.

  Xavier nods his head as James clears his throat behind us. He lets me go and they step outside. I remain here for a minute, watching them through the window. Ana approaches me and places her arm around my shoulders, gently. Her loving embrace feels so right and familiar.

  “Let’s go talk to the nurse,” Ana says.

  I nod my head and she leads me to the nurse’s window. I slap the buzzer and wait. After a minute or so, a short lady with bright pink scrubs on appears at the window.

  “Can I help you?” She asks.

  “Yes, I’m Izabella Jones, they brought my dad Austin Jones, in a little while ago and I was wondering if there were any updates yet.” My voice strong but I feel like I’m going to break down any minute.

  Ana runs a soothing hand up and down my back, giving me comfort and strength. The nurse sits in her seat and starts pecking at the keyboard. After what seemed like forever, but was merely less than a minute, the nurse looks up at me, sympathy in her hazel eyes.

  “I’ll let the doctor know you’re here." With that she gets up from her chair and shuffles away before I can respond.

  Ana and I walk back to the area they were occupying earlier, and I sit down next to Mia in the hard-plastic chair. Xavier and James are still outside, and it looks like their talk is getting heated.

  I gently shake Mia’s dozing form. She grumbles at me in her sleep. I shake her again.

  “Mia, it’s me Izzy, get up.” I say gently.

  At my voice, her head pops up and her brown eyes fly open as she uncurled herself from her chair. She flies into my arms.

  “Izzy? Oh, thank God you’re here.” Mia sobs.

  If I wasn’t sitting down, she would have knocked me to the ground. Mia might be small, but she knows how to throw her weight into something.

  “Yeah, hun I’m here,” I say as we hug. She is sobbing again on my shoulder as I rub my hands up and down her back, soothing her.

  “Mia, it’s going to be OK. We will get through this. I’m not going anywhere again."

  Mia stops crying after a few minutes and looks at me. Her brown eyes are red, her face is splotchy.

  “You’re not going back to Cali?” Mia asks.

  I shake my head. “I’m ready to come home. I’ve been ready, but I was too scared." Not wanting to discuss this any further with Ana next to us, I changed the subject.

  “I love your hair."

  Mia runs her fingers through the multi colors, making it messier. “Thanks. I just got it done a week ago.” She gives me a sad smile.

  “It’s defiantly your style. So, tell me about who asked you out,” I say.

  “Huh?” She asks her eyebrows wrinkle in confusion.

  “The text you sent me today. Well yesterday now.”

  “Oh! No one. I just wanted you to call me back.” She says with a wink, telling me we’ll talk about it later.

  Just as Xavier and James walk back through the emergency doors, a doctor comes through another set of doors.

  “Miss Jones? Izabella Jones?” My heart drops to my stomach at the doctor’s impassive face and irritated expression. Xavier reaches me as I rise on shaky legs. Taking a deep breath, I brace myself for unwelcome news.

  “That’s me,” I acknowledge, facing the doctor.

  His white lab coat is wrinkle free, and he has a stethoscope around his neck. His name tag reads ‘Dr. Smith’ and he has a clipboard in his hands as he takes short, irritated steps over to me. I’m frozen in place and can’t move as I wait for the news.

  Xavier wraps his arms around my shoulders, anchoring me to him. He’s offering strength I didn’t realize I needed.

  “Your dad, Austin, has suffered serious injuries.” his nasal tone is irritating me and my temper flares.

  Xavier can feel the shift in my body language and holds me tighter. Just as I am about to lose my shit on Dr. Smith, James speaks up.

  “How is he doing?"

  Dr. Smith looks at me with a tight smile. “Can we discuss this privately?"

  I shake my head. “These people here with me are like my family. We can discuss this now.” He peers down at his clipboard reading from it before he faces me, no compassion in his eyes.

  “Mr. Jones suffers from a broken leg, three fractured ribs, a concussion and a ruptured spleen.”

  At his words, my stomach sinks to my toes and I collapse into Xavier’s waiting arms trying to hold back a sob. He grips me tight as Dr. Smith drones on.

  “We stopped the bleeding and repaired his spleen, but he wouldn’t wake up on his own. He has a lo
ng recovery ahead of him, once he wakes up. We set his leg and his ribs are wrapped up. He is being moved to ICU and I’ll send a nurse out to escort you up for a few minutes. But only two people right now and for a few minutes."

  Ana speaks up when I don’t respond. “Thank you, Dr. Smith."

  He turns and leaves us, going back through the doors he came out of without another word.

  “What a dick.” I rant, finally finding my voice. Mia bursts out laughing at my statement.

  “Only you, Izzy. Only you would think the doctor that worked on your dad is a dick.” Mia wipes the tears from her eyes. I shrug my shoulders.

  “I just didn’t like him. He acted like it was a chore to tell me about Austin so, he is a dick."

  Ana tries to hide her smirk. “Mouth, young lady."

  I shrug my shoulders again, anger penetrating through my body. “Sorry Ana, but it’s true.”

  “I know honey, but still, I have to try and curb your mouth.” Ana tries but fails as stifling a grin. “Your dad would have done the same."

  James and Xavier are trying not to snicker at my outburst as Ana glares at them. They both take a deep breath, calming down. James turns to me.

  “Izzy, we’re going to head home and be back tomorrow to see Austin. Give him our love when you go up there." He kisses my forehead and Ana does the same.

  “Xavier, will you give her a ride home?” James turns to his son.

  “Yeah, I’m not going anywhere.” Xavier answers, holding me tighter in his strong arms.

  Mia hugs me around Xavier’s hold. “I’m going to go too. Call me if anything happens.”

  I nod my head and watch the three of them walk out the emergency room doors. Their heads are down, but some of the tension is lifted from their bodies. When they’re out of sight I turn to Xavier, ready to release him from his obligation to stay with me.

  “You don’t have to stay. I’m sure there are other things you have to do."