Stryker's Salvation (A Savage Saints MC Book 3) Page 4

  “I didn’t know. You never tell me anything besides you’re fine. Will you tell me now?” The hope in Poison’s voice almost makes me give in.

  I shake my head. “Not today. If anyone needs the truth, it should be Stryker first. He deserves to know who he’s getting involved with. Then if I have the courage to tell you next, I will. I won’t guarantee it but I’ll try.”

  Poison stands up from the chair and crosses the room, halting me from my pacing. She wraps her slender arms around me, giving me a gentle hug. “That’s all I ask. If you feel the need to open up to me, I’m here. Always will be.” She kisses me on the cheek, releases her hold and walks out the bedroom door.

  Just like that, I’m all alone again. The emptiness without someone here is deep. The urge to feel something overcomes me. My hands shake from the need, but I continue pacing instead of giving in to the urges. When they become too strong to handle, I grab my earbuds and phone. I turn on some music and Halsey’s calming voice vibrates in my head. I crank the song up as loud as I can. I change into a pair of running shorts, shirt and throw on my running shoes.

  I leave the sanctuary of my bedroom and cross the living room, keeping my head down. If I don’t make eye contact with anyone, they won’t talk to me or sneer at me if it’s the Patch Whores. I open the front door and the warmth of the sunlight filters through the clouds. I stop walking and turn my face towards the sky, letting the rays warm my soul.

  I throw my hair up in a ponytail, stretch and take off. My feet pound the dirt road in a beat to the melody ringing through my head. Halsey’s song about being eleven minutes away, missing the love of your life and never getting the chance to say I’m sorry. I eat up the miles and putting everything in perspective.

  Stryker’s face floats in my vision. He’s so close, but so far away. His smile is just out of my reach, his love is mine for the taking if I can ever get through my own issues and let him love me. His vision is asking me why I’m so close but so far away. Why I keep pushing him away. Why aren’t I there? Why can’t I read the signs? I’m everything to him but why can’t I see that?

  I stop running, my chest is heaving, struggling to breathe. Is that what I am to him? Am I his everything? I think back to all the exchanges we’ve had through the past few years and it dawns on me. I missed all the signs. His light touches on my shoulders. The softest caress of his skin against mine. The way his cold blue eyes turn bright when I walk into a room. The way he commands my body by a single touch. The way he protects me, thinking people are using me.

  Tears stream down my face. I’ve pushed him away too often to get another chance. What if it’s too late and he decides he doesn’t want me anymore? What if I’m so bad at this, I’ll never be able to have him when he’s been right in front of me this entire time?

  I turn around and head back to the Clubhouse. My feet moving as fast as they possibly can. My decision made. The closer I get, the louder the rumble of Harley’s filter through the music pounding in my head. Shit, they’re leaving. I pick up the pace but I’m not fast enough. I reach the top of the small hill and watch as they leave the driveway in a stream of bikes heading in the opposite direction. I spot Stryker behind Kayne. Blayde beside him. He isn’t wearing a helmet in this heat. He has a black Savage Saints bandana wrapped around his blonde locks. Our eyes connect before he pulls out and he gives me a little wave and a wink. Letting me know he sees me. That one gesture tells me I’m making the right decision. He sees me.

  Chapter 6

  Stryker

  “We need to roll out and check on our other businesses.” Kayne orders.

  I’ve been at this meeting but not paying attention for the last hour. My mind has been drifting between things Holly said, what happened last night and this morning. My memory is coming back in bits and pieces after my episode in the kitchen.

  Steel-grey eyes watching me, laughing at me. My hands tightening the chain around his throat. His feet kicking, trying to get leverage. The life draining from his eyes. Satisfaction thrumming through my body from his death. Finally getting my revenge on the asshole who tormented me my entire childhood. Me blacking out afterword.

  “Stryker,” Kayne calls snapping me out of my mind. “You good brother?”

  “Yeah, Prez. I’m good.”

  “You can sit this one out if you need to. We’ll understand.” Kayne’s eyes are full of sympathy.

  “No. I need to stay active.” I lean my forearms on the scarred oak table. The table with our Savage Saints logo etched in the middle. The table that’s sacred to all of us. That’s heard our confessions, felt our fears, relished in our accomplishments. The table that stands for unity, brotherhood and family. The determination to make things right drift through my mind. “I need to tell you who Karl Maverick is and why I ended his life last night.”

  Kayne gestures wide with his hands. “The floor is yours, Stryker.”

  I inhale a deep breath and stare at the club logo. “Back when I was a little boy, Karl Maverick came into my mother’s life. Things were going good for a while until I was around five years old. My father left my mother when she was pregnant. I didn’t know who he was, but as I grew older and started taking on his looks, she started in on the abuse. Karl aided her by giving her drugs and telling her how much I looked like him. At first, I didn’t understand what was going on. She started out telling me I wasn’t good enough. I was a lowlife loser just like my father.

  “When I turned six, she started locking me up in a closet with no food or water for days while she partied with Karl. Getting high, fucking every man that came in the apartment. I guess the best part about it was she protected me from the stream of men who came in. If I was locked up, then they couldn’t touch me. Times she forgot to lock me up, I did it myself. I would hide in my bedroom closet with what little food and water I could scavenge from the kitchen between her binges.

  “One night Karl showed up unexpectedly. I was eating a bowl of stale cereal, sitting on the floor watching my favorite cartoon when he busted through the door. My mother was sitting on the couch behind me. She jumped when he came in. His steel-gray eyes landed on me. A sneer on his lips. He headed right for me, picking me up by my shirt and throwing me across the room. My mother was screaming and crying trying to get him off me. I was so little I didn’t understand why this was happening. My body hurt my head was pounding from hitting the wall so hard. I was dizzy and so small, I couldn’t fight back. He kept saying I owe him. As he lifted me up and threw me against the wall again, my mother attacked him. She jumped on his back, trying to pull him off me screaming and yelling. He let me go and I landed on the ground in a heap as his wrath turned onto her. I couldn’t move, only watch as he beat her with his fists.

  “I lost consciousness and when I came too, I was still on the floor where Karl dropped me. My mother was face down in a pool of blood and vomit, not moving. I crawled my way to her afraid of the worst. Karl was sitting on our couch eating and watching some weird show, laughing when the person would get hurt. He spotted me moving toward my mother and shook his head. “She’s alive for now. You owe me you little piece of shit. You owe me for your father.”

  “I had no idea what he was talking about. I didn’t know my father but Karl felt the need to keep telling me this. Well long story short, he made me repay him by running drugs through my elementary school. Lasted through middle school and high school. The attacks and beatings didn’t stop until I took up time in the weight room and started bulking up. Karl couldn’t push me around anymore and they threw me out my Senior year. My mother was too weak and a slave to her addiction to kick him out since he was her supplier too. You wouldn’t believe how many teachers were addicts.”

  I look around Church and every brother sitting around the table are staring at me with tears in their eyes. “Look, I only told you all this because you needed to know what triggers my blackouts. Don’t think of me as weak. I’m far from it. I’ve grown and can handle anything thrown at me.” I glance at Kayne a
nd he nods his head in understanding. “If you didn’t find me when you did, I probably would be six feet under or worse, in jail. Now with Karl out of the picture his thugs will look for him. It’s best we keep our ears to the ground and our eyes open. I’ll be at the top of their list.”

  Kayne turns his gaze to Rooster. “You find out everything you can on Karl Maverick.”

  “You got it, Prez.” Rooster stands up and walks over to my side of the table. He leans down, giving me a bro hug whispering in my ear, “I’ve got your back, bro.”

  “Thanks,” I reply returning his hug.

  “By the way, Rooster,” Kayne calls out to his retreating back. “Alyssa will be back tonight. Don’t you dare make a move on Poison’s sister. She will have my balls.”

  Rooster’s steps falter before he turns with a smirk, “No worries, Prez. Baby princess is off-limits. I got your message loud and clear last time.”

  The rest of us are confused by his words, watching Rooster walk out of Church. His shoulders are slumped and his head is down. I turn my questioning gaze to Kayne. “What?”

  Kayne shakes his head, “Nothing to worry about. Now that we have that out of the way, let’s roll out and check the bar, repair shop and dance studio. The prospects have been at the shop all morning making sure shit’s cleaned up for a rebuild we have coming in today. We need to collect the deposits at the bar and dance studio. Siren’s been bringing in more income at the dance studio since she started teaching there.” Kayne slams the gavel on the table, ending our meeting. Every brother comes over to me when I stand, offering a hug and whispers of support. That means more to me than any of them will ever understand.

  I leave the sanctuary of Church and most of my secrets laid on the table to find Holly. I knock lightly on her door, waiting for her to answer. I listen for any movement inside but hear nothing. I knock again and still nothing. Trying the doorknob, it’s unlocked and I step inside. My heart is beating hard against my chest. This is the first time I’m in Holly’s space. Her room is fitting for her. A small bed tucked against one wall with a pink camouflage bedspread neatly made. A nightstand next to it. A dresser against the opposite wall with a walk-in bathroom and closet. The room is neat and tidy and Holly’s scent lingers in the air, making my mouth water for another taste of her.

  “She went for a run,” Poison appears behind me in the doorway answering my unspoken question. “I talked to her for a little while.”

  I swallow hard, thoughts I shouldn’t be thinking are flying through my head at a rapid pace. Is Holly in danger? Is she running from me? Did she figure out what I’ve been hiding? Poison and I don’t speak much. Never have and that’s mostly my fault. Ok, it’s all my fault. I’ll protect her because she’s one of us, but if I get to close to her that mean’s getting close to Siren, which can never happen. “What did she say?”

  Poison releases a deep sigh, her hazel eyes are steady on me, watching me. “Not much. But you do need to understand she’s been through a lot before she came here. She won’t tell me anything but I lived in her shoes before. I know the signs of abuse better than anyone. Which is why the two of you can either be good for each other or bad. It’s your choice. You can’t force her to do things she doesn’t want to do. She might tell you she will, but inside she’s screaming at herself for going along with something she knows is wrong to her. Know the signs, watch her body language. Don’t let her agreement mean she agrees. She’s been programmed to go along in fear, not because she wants to.”

  My mouth is hanging open in shock and I snap it shut. “How do you know all this if she didn’t tell you?”

  “Stryker, did you forget who raised me? I know the signs. I’ve lived the signs. If it weren’t for Siren finding me when she did, it would’ve been worse. She saved me more than anyone realizes.” Poison wipes a stray tear away with her finger. “She took the brunt of what Drex did. I didn’t even know the whole truth until that night in the basement. Don’t be so hard on her. She has a good heart and a beautiful soul.”

  I open my mouth to tell her I’ll try but Kayne steps up behind Poison, wrapping his arms around her waist. “Princess, I’ve been looking for you. We’ve got to head out. Are you OK staying here or want to go?” He kisses the side of her neck.

  “I’ll stay here and wait for Holly to get back.” Poison answers leaning into Kayne’s chest. “I have a feeling the Patch whores aren’t going to be very nice to her and she will have to show them she isn’t someone to fuck with.”

  Kayne’s gaze lands on me, “You ready brother?”

  “Yeah, Prez. Let me grab my keys and stuff. I’ll be ready in five.” I answer, walking past them and head to my room.

  I grab my wallet off the dresser and jam it in my back pocket. I wrap my black Savage Saints bandana around my head. It’s too hot today for a helmet and Michigan has a no helmet law. I can’t find my keys on my dresser where they should have been. Searching all over my room, my keys are nowhere to be found.

  The deep rumble of a male’s voice along with a female giggle carries into my room. I peek my head out the door and spot Rooster down the dark hallway but I can’t see who he’s hitting on. His big body is blocking hers.

  “Come on, just a little taste,” Rooster is practically begging this chick. I clear my throat and Rooster stiffens. His head snaps to mine, his eyes wide. “Stryker, what are you doing here?”

  “This is my room.” I lean against the doorframe crossing my arms over my chest. He still hasn’t moved so I can see who’s behind him. “What are you doing down a dark hallway and who are you hiding?”

  “Nothing and no one. I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He shrugs and steps toward me. I try to see over his shoulder but Rooster moves his body simultaneously blocking my view.

  I push off the door frame and meet him halfway. “Who is she?” I finally get a look behind him and whoever it was is gone now. What the fuck? “Where did she go? It can’t be a Patch Whore because we all know you don’t have to beg for them to spread their legs.”

  “It’s no one,” Rooster snaps.

  “I will figure it out Rooster. You’re not acting like yourself.” I turn my back on him and head back into my room. Rooster follows behind me.

  “You really gave us a scare last night.” He says leaning against the door.

  “I’m really sorry about that. I still don’t know what all happened when I blacked out. I do remember ending Karl’s life but everything after that is blank.”

  “Do you want to know?”

  I stop searching for my keys and face Rooster. The look of pity in his black eyes makes me hesitate for a moment before I answer. “Are you going to tell me the truth or sugar coat it thinking I can’t handle it?”

  “I’ll tell you the truth.”

  “Then yes. I need to know what happened and why, when I woke up, I felt like I was used as a punching bag.”

  Rooster pushes off the door and sits in the chair in the corner of my room. “You might want to sit down for this.” He gestures to my messy bed where Holly and I slept. When I sit, her scent wraps around me like a blanket, easing my anxiety. “After you took Karl’s life, something inside of you snapped. First, your eyes went glossy. You weren’t hearing anything or seeing anyone. Then you started pulling your hair mumbling about not being good enough, that you’re worthless, a monster. Shouting at the top of your lungs to make them stop. Begging for someone to make them go away. When Kayne tried to detain you, you flipped. It took Kayne, Blayde, Duke, Ace and myself to hold you down. We pinned you to the ground, trying to get you to stop. You kept fighting us and we didn’t know what to do. Kayne had ahold of your head so you’d stop banging it against the concrete, screaming. There were a few times someone’s grip slipped and you thrashed around, smashing your face into the concrete. That’s where the blood came from. After a while, you passed out and we brought you here. Five guys holding you down is why your body is sore. The marks on your face were from you. I’ve never seen you like
that and I didn’t know if you would be OK. It freaked us all out.” Rooster exhales a deep breath, sitting back in the chair. It creaks under his weight. I can’t find the words I need. My mind running a million miles an hour.

  A knock on my door snaps my head up in that direction. Blayde and Kayne are standing shoulder to shoulder watching me carefully. It’s creepy as fuck how they take on the same stance and not realize it.

  “You good, Stryker?” Kayne asks.

  “Yeah, I’m good.” I look directly at Kayne. “I’m sorry about last night. I never should’ve lost it like that.”

  “Sometimes you can’t control your emotions and you’ve been bottling everything up. It was just a matter of time before you snapped.” Kayne answers. His blue eyes pinning me to my bed. He knows there’s more but for now he isn’t pushing. An understanding passes between us and I’m grateful for all he’s done for me since he found me down at that hole in the wall biker bar. I hit rock bottom and he was there to help me back up. “We ready to go?”

  “Yeah, I just need to find my keys,” I answer.

  “Ask the prospect. He drove your bike home last night.” Blayde answers trying to hide a snicker.

  “Which one?”

  Blayde can’t control it anymore and smirks. I know I’m not going to like his answer. “The one you beat up when he grabbed Holly’s ass.”

  Shit. I haven’t talked to him since that night. He steers clear of me at every turn and I don’t blame him. I’m still pissed he thought he could put his hands on her. I grumble under my breath and heave myself off the bed, standing to my full height. My body doesn’t hurt as bad as it did this morning. The aches are going away the more I move. I motion for everyone to leave my room so I can lock it up behind me.

  Kayne, Blayde and Rooster file out and I lock my door. I turn to leave and a warm body presses up against my back. Soft curves and familiar perfume wraps around me and I grind my teeth. I really can’t catch a break today.